Helping Kids With Picky Eating: A Low-pressure Approach

Picky eating is one of the most common (and stressful) concerns parents bring up in therapy. Mealtimes that were supposed to be about connection can quickly turn into power struggles, negotiations, or worry about whether your child is getting “enough.” The good news is that picky eating is very common in childhood, and there are evidence-based ways to approach it that protect both your child’s relationship with food and your relationship with them.

Connection Over Control

Unfortunately for us parents, kids are in complete control of what they eat, which can result in power struggles very quickly when kids reject food, don’t eat as much as we think they should, or refuse new foods. Using a low pressure approach means shifting away from making children eat and toward creating a predictable, supportive food environment where children can listen to their own bodies.

One of the most helpful mindset shifts is this: parents decide what foods are offered and when; children decide whether and how much to eat. This division of responsibility aligns beautifully with PCIT’s emphasis on clear roles, calm leadership, and reduced coercion.

When meals become a battleground, children often dig in their heels—not because they’re stubborn, but because eating is one of the few areas where they have real bodily autonomy. Respecting that autonomy actually increases long-term flexibility with food.

**Important note: before starting strategies related to picky eating, always check in with your pediatrician. If your pediatrician has concerns about your child’s weight gain, some of these strategies may not be appropriate. Additionally, children with an Autism diagnosis sometimes experience challenges with food preference which may require additional support from a professional. These recommendations are intended for general educational purposes only.

Don’t Force Bites (Even “Just One”)

Forcing food (whether through pressure, bargaining, or praise tied to bites) often backfires. While it may get a bite in the short term, it increases anxiety around eating and decreases willingness to try foods in the future.

Pressure escalates negative cycles: parent pushes → child resists → parent pushes harder. Instead, aim to stay neutral about whether food is eaten.

That means:

• No forcing bites

• No "just try it for me"

• No rewards tied to eating specific foods

Your calm acceptance sends a powerful message: I trust your body, and mealtimes are safe.

Don’t Make a Second Meal

It’s tempting to prepare a backup meal when your child refuses dinner, especially if you’re worried they’ll go hungry. However, regularly making a second meal teaches children that holding out will result in preferred foods, and keeps picky eating cycles going.

Instead, aim to serve one family meal that includes at least one food your child usually accepts (sometimes called a “safe food”). That way, there is always something on the plate your child can eat, without you becoming a short-order cook.

If your child chooses not to eat much, that’s okay. Which brings us to the next point.

Be Okay With Uneaten Food

This is often the hardest part for parents. It can feel deeply uncomfortable to watch food go untouched.

But children are excellent regulators when pressure is removed. Appetite naturally fluctuates day to day, and kids are very good at making up calories over time.

PCIT teaches us to tolerate short-term discomfort in service of long-term change. Allowing uneaten food (without commentary, disappointment, or replacement snacks) helps children learn to tune into hunger and fullness cues.

You might calmly say:

“Looks like your tummy isn’t very hungry right now.”

And then move on.

Consider Serving Dessert With the Meal

This one surprises many families, but it can be incredibly powerful.

When dessert is placed on a pedestal (“You can have it if you eat dinner”), it becomes the most exciting food at the table and reinforces food hierarchies. Serving a small portion of dessert alongside the meal removes its power.

Children may eat it first, and that’s okay. Over time, dessert becomes just another food, not the ultimate prize.

This strategy communicates trust and reduces the urgency children feel to over-focus on sweets.

Change How You Talk About Food

The language we use around food matters. Labeling foods as “healthy” or “unhealthy” can unintentionally create shame, fear, or moral value around eating.

Instead, try framing foods in terms of energy and how they help our bodies:

• “Some foods give our bodies a lot of energy for playing and growing.”

• “Some foods give quick energy, and some give long-lasting energy.”

This keeps food neutral and informative, not moral.

Model Listening to Your Own Body

One of the most powerful strategies to encourage intuitive eating is modeling. Children learn far more from what we do than what we tell them.

Try narrating your own internal cues:

• “My tummy is telling me I’m full, so I’m going to stop eating now.”

• “I’m noticing my tummy wants something sweet after dinner.”

• “I’m still a little hungry, so I’m going to get more.”

This helps children learn that eating is about listening to your body, not following external rules.

The Big Picture

Picky eating is rarely about the food itself. It’s about autonomy, anxiety, sensory preferences, and control.

By using PCIT principles (reducing power struggles, strengthening connection, and trusting children’s internal cues) you’re not just addressing picky eating. You’re helping your child build a lifelong, healthy relationship with food.

Progress may be slow and non-linear, but calm consistency matters far more than any single meal.

And remember: one uneaten dinner does not define your child’s nutrition, or your parenting.

Need more support to help your picky eater or to make mealtime less stressful? Check out the services we offer at Child Behavior Management here.